This yearly thing.

It has been a tradition for me to write something down before the year ends. So here I go again, sharing my whatnots.

2011 has been a great and tough year for me. For my chums who are in familiar terms with me from top to bottom, they very much know what troubles I went through and what I did to make things okay. I don’t want to talk about the negative things that much, so let’s just say that I learned a lot from them. It’s been tough as hell because of some decisions I had to make for myself. It was harder because I have to consider the people around me. I am much of the type who puts weight to what other people might think so I try to be careful. But sometimes, unpleasant things happen and you just got to live with it.

2011 brought hellos and goodbyes at the same time. Well, it is hard to say goodbye to things and routines I have been used to, but nothing’s definite so the point came that I had to let go of those to give way for better whatevers. This brings us to hellos. Hellos which brought wow (in good way) to my life. These hellos and goodbyes are part of those decisions I had to make, decisions that I will and shall never EVER regret.

This year I also learned how to accept my flaws. I’ve been judgmental, hypercritical, unreasonable, fault –finding, a pain in the ass, a brat or even a bitch but hey, I’m only human. I don’t want to talk big about this but I learned how to exchange blows with some people who are total ass shits. :)) It’s not something to be proud of; it’s just that I did it for the first time. :D It was a noble deed for me, I felt like a hero because I fought for myself and a couple of friends, but it came to a point that I was excessive with my repugnant actions. I was a total bitch. I brainstormed all my actions and I knew I was wrong. I realized that all I needed to do was to forgive and forget. The process is too hard but I know I can do it. Yes, I’m still in the damn-hard process. Like what I’ve said, I’m only human. Shit happens.

This year gave me a reason too to appreciate my family even more, especially my Dad. I am not expressive when it comes to my feelings towards my Dad, my brother and sisters, and the others but I do cherish them a lot. Things may not be the way it has to be, but everything happens for a reason.

This year also brought me closer to God. And I’m really happy for it.

For those who have been a part of my 2011, thank you.

For those people I gave pain, intentionally or not, I am sincerely sorry.

Goodbye 2011.

Hello 2012. 

Hey drummer in shining armour (An Open Letter)

I’ve been thinking of the right words to best describe you and what I feel for you. I did not sleep today and probably when the moment comes that you will be reading this, you will kill me for lying that I slept already. :-D I did not sleep today, I mean not yet, because I’ve been thinking about you. Then I decided to write. To write my insights about you, about us, and what I am looking forward to.

 

I guess that is so much for an introduction.

 

As I was saying, I’ve been thinking of the right words to best describe you and what I feel for you. I’ve been staring at the ceiling for hours and I cannot think of the right words. I have never met someone like you. I guess that explains everything: you are not like the others. I guess that’s the reason why you are indescribable. I do not want to describe you the cliché way so let me just say it again – you are not like the others.

 

It was way back in 2009. We met during an audition for a contest that your band wanted to be a part of. Our friend introduced us to each other, and we did not click pronto. As a matter of fact, we never spoke. I don’t even remember saying hi. Which brings us to 2010.

 

2010. We became blockmates. I was assigned to be the class beadle in our Accounting class. I passed around a paper and required all of you to write down your numbers for purposes of being updated for quizzes and other Accounting subject-related matters. It was all casual afterwards. You would text me if you need something i.e. photocopies or when you ask me if there will be upcoming quizzes or agendas. It was all very casual. I don’t know what happened after that but we started to chat a bit. I remember this one time; I was outside our room, sitting on the floor while waiting for our professor in Economics. When you got there you thought you were late and said “Wala pa si Sir?” and sat beside me. I was busy listening to my iPod. I don’t know what hit me but I did share my earphones with you. I was listening to Mae and you told me that your brother watched them play live during Katy Perry’s concert. LOL!

 

Your brain’s probably mixed-up with what I’m saying. I don’t even know if you remember these. LOL. Let’s proceed anyway.

 

So there I figured you had good taste in music. I was pretty much living under a rock because I have no TV and I have a very slow internet connection in my dorm during that time so I didn’t bother searching for new songs and stuff about music. We were both online in Facebook this one night, and I asked for new songs. Then we started chatting. I remember that you even shared about how you got your heartbreak way back. ROFL. I think during that time, I may have considered you as a friend already.

 

Never did it came across my mind that we will be together. That’s the good thing about it though. The best things are the ones least expected.

 

I admire you. I admire every quality you have, from your snobbish aura down to your soft side. You’re just different from the others. Quoting from Hey Daydreamer, you are my soldier; my knight in shining armour.

 

You helped me become the better person I am today. I am happier, and I feel complete. Everything is different with you. Our friends tell me that I finally found a boy version of me. I guess they think we are of the same page always. They don’t know that we are still settling a lot of differences.

Point is, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I love you so much that I made this & that I had to write it down. I love you so much that the thought of leaving you hurts so bad. I love you so much that I can’t afford losing you. I love you so much that I can’t last a day not hearing your voice. I love you so much that I am willing to do things for you which I am afraid to do before.

 

I am not looking forward to anything. I am just appreciating what I have now and what we have now. I suppose I made sense here. Because whether I made sense here or not, it consumed my sleeping hours, so you better be grateful for this, my drummer in shining armour.